Romanticism. Life, Death, Age and Wonder.

astral-love
‘The Astral Pains of Love’ by James E Reads

” A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.”  Endymion, John Keats

I finally have a day to unwind from the sudden stresses that have been whirling around me recently, and of course I have a cup of steaming coffee and Lana Del Rey’s new single ‘Love’ on repeat (constant repeat!). I’m at that stage in life where my mind is raging but my heart, body and spirit feel ravaged and over-exercised. There’s a quietness brewing inside me though…like I’m floating through the cosmos and there’s a gentle acceptance concerning life. I could try to explain it with my words, but this time around (for me) my words just won’t do what I’m feeling any justice. I think it’s something akin to what the Romantic poets must have felt. It’s this deep surge of intoxication for the sound of an ocean wave, the melody of a child’s laughter or the painful insight of a deep love that will never be reciprocated in this lifetime. It’s life. That raw, open feeling of being alive. And I love it. That I can feel so much. I spent a giant portion of my life numb (for reasons beyond my control that I won’t go into here) but I fought hard to regain my sense of wonder for the world, for the chance to breathe in it and be moved by the multitude of things in it.

daybreak
‘Daybreak’ by Bruce Holwerda

Yesterday was one of those rainy days here in my hometown of Durban, and driving to university is always a stressful journey for me. While I am an incredibly cautious driver, I can’t say the same for the peeps in my city. Despite the complete invisibility due to torrents of rain, people have no issues with driving recklessly and endangering the lives of others. I hate it. I hate that people behind the wheel have the audacity and arrogance to put other people’s lives in precarious positions. It’s the height of stupidity to me. Anyway, long story short, me and my small car were almost demolished into infinity thanks to that guy who decided getting to his destination was more important than my life…but I suppose my guardian angels decided I still have some good left to sprinkle across the world, so I live to see another day. And I am grateful. Incredibly. I don’t care how old I am, or how old I get…I think as long as you feel wonder in your heart, as long as you can love deeply and genuinely with no restraints, then you’re doing a good job at this whole life thing. Do you love who you are? Do you look forward to the life you still have to live? If you’re not answering yes to these questions…it’s not enough. Complacency is not enough.  It works for some people but not for me. My heart is too full, my imagination too thirsty…my curiosity for the profound that could exist out there too great.

trapped

I might be a nutjob of note. I might be crazy. But there’s freedom in that. Genuine, beautiful freedom. Like Keats and Lana, I choose to soak in the beauty. To let it seep through my skin, into the essence of who I am. To mix with the light and the dark that exists within me, and let it make me feel young with every year that goes by. So that when Death comes to visit, I can be coy with her but give her a wink and say ‘Let’s dance’. Because I never back down from an adventure that could reveal to me the secrets of the universe…of life…and of love. And neither should you.

future

“It doesn’t matter if I’m not enough
For the future or the things to come
‘Cause I’m young and in love
I’m young and in love.”Love, Lana Del Rey

Video of Lana Del Rey’s ‘Love’ via LanaDelReyVEVO on YouTube.

 

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Published by

Kamalini Govender

I'm that girl that looks badass in her black boots reading Gothic Psychoanalytic Lit but really just wants to pew pew pew with someone.

10 thoughts on “Romanticism. Life, Death, Age and Wonder.”

  1. There’s nothing like a brush with death to make you feel alive! That song really brings me back to the year I graduated from high school…time sure flies! I have the same feelings about careless, inconsiderate drivers. I’m glad you’re safe! ❤Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so very sorry that this wonderful, momentous realization came on the tail of such a shock, but from your words it looks that you were able to turn a negative moment into something positive, and that’s nothing short of amazing.

    And as a side note: what’s in a rainy day that turns most drivers into crazy serial killers?
    (((headshake)))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately, in my hometown drivers are crazy serial killers come rain and sunshine! The key is to expect it and be super cautious at ALL times. It’s weird because I had been reading Keats that morning and mulling over his acceptance with death (dying of tuberculosis) and his fascination with life. These are things we know, but we get so wrapped up in trivialities and daily stresses that we allow ourselves to forget to see the beauty we have. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post…I always look forward to our conversations 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. First a bid deep sigh of relief that my beautiful soul sister is ok and that your guardian angel was flying with you. I can’t stand those selfish drivers myself, not caring for the next person and how much their actions put them at risk. I will never understand.
    The rest of your post once again takes my breath away and I always feel like you are speaking from my heart. For my heart knows yours and feels the same on so many different levels. I’m reminded that I believe you have gone through the various stages of spiritual awakening and that you have seen much pain throughout your life. I also believe that it takes that pain and adversity that turns somebody like yourself, if survived into this wonderful amazing spirit that can hardly be described in words.
    I’m glad you are ok, xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Moonshine. I think…it’s a difficult journey for each soul…but especially difficult for ones who feel more than the average person. But I wouldn’t want to be anything else. Take away my ability to feel and life becomes hollow, perhaps my spirit dulls. I’m making a conscious effort not to let go of my enthusiasm for life…and love. There’s so much I want to see, so much I want to feel and so much more in this universe. Thank you for your comment…perhaps your guardian angels helped mine in keeping me safe 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So this has been on constant repeat in my home too now since you allowed me to discover another beautiful song and reminded me of how much I love her music. At this point in my life it’s more like just a catchy melody or rhythm, it’s the lyrics and anything that speaks to my soul. That allows me to feel on a deeper level, to feel alive. I know you understand and I had to come back to say how much this has lifted my spirit and has allowed me to feel the essence of that song. Thank you xoxoxoxo
        And yes I do always tell my guardian angels to watch over those important to me 😉
        Have a beautiful day

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awwwwww! I’m glad that I could contribute to your day being a little more magical, a little more beautiful. You are constantly inspiring me, so it is only a pleasure my friend! Her music goes especially well with a glass of wine, some much needed solitude and moonlight 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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